300 Days!

We've passed the 300 day mark so here's the news on the HRT and changes so far.

As always, this post will cover such potentially awkward topics as relationships, emotions, genitals and sex drive, and in potentially off-putting specifics. Enter at your own risk.

Starting with the physical changes.

My Skin. Skin continues to be excellent. I feel it's improved further, masked perhaps by the dryness that came from winter, but now it feels really nice again. It was a noticeable change when I first had opportunity and motivation after winter to moisturise my arms all the way up to the shoulders. This was a pleasant experience and that alone was a huge shift from a bit over a year ago, where the idea of putting lotion anywhere near my skin would make my skin crawl and make me quite uncomfortable.
The other big change I noticed there was the effects of dryness. My IPL tech commented on the dryness but it had never felt particularly significant. However, in the most recent spike of heat we've had, and being on the road for work a lot, my skin, especially on my face, got dried out savagely! I actually felt that it was sunburnt (and I suspect it was a little, though I was generally pretty good about sunscreen I did forget to take my moisturiser with me) but since getting back home I have decided it was probably more just that my skin got massively dried out to the point where it sorta hurt when I pulled or rubbed on it. This is something I've never experienced before and I don't know for certain if it's the HRT changing the composition of the skin to make it more susceptible, or simply that the change in the skin and my awareness of myself prompted me to notice it this time. I suspect a bit of both, but leaning towards the former. Gonna be taking good care of it through the rest of summer though, that's for sure.

My Hair. Not a lot of change in hair, facial hair continues to thin out, though at a slower pace now. The grey hairs are particularly annoying, and IPL won't do anything about that. I will probably soon (most likely after summer) look into laser to try to kick the remaining stubborn coloured ones and electrolysis to deal with the greys. Thigh hair in particular remains quite sparse but still in small, thinned out patches throughout. My scalp hair is long enough that there've been some quite cute days recently. Getting bugs caught in it at night is an experience I had largely forgotten from previous growth, and not one I am particularly fond of.

Fat Redistribution. Boob growth continues (aided no doubt by the weight I've put on lately) and I think the same is true elsewhere. I've added to most places, but it's hard to know what is "extra weight coming back" and what is redistribution. The boobs are definitely nice though, and getting noticeable under a lot of t-shirts, they're up to a B cup now, although given how "from the sides" they are, they look like a pretty small B I think. Still, that's nice.

Nipples: No change to speak of. They're noticeable under shirts more now, but that's more a combination of "summer so less bulky layers" and "more stuff behind them" than any change in themselves.

Genital Stuff. No real change here to speak of.

Sweat and Body Odour. Pretty certainly a difference in smell, I've been told my general smell has shifted a bit too, though I'm not clear on the specifics. Next few months will probably provide more data on this one.

Nothing else in physical I think, mental stuff follows.

Overall Mental State. More improvement I think, though probably more subtle. I've been tired and stressed a lot, and I think my ability to handle such things has shifted a bit. I've definitely had more "strongly emotional" patches, but they've passed through me in ways that previously I feel they did not. Lots more contented moments, more quiet happiness, more inherent feelings of rightness.

Relationships, Sexuality, And Crushes. Sexuality has remained much the same. Time with A Girlfriend has been lovely, and continues to be so with no sign of stopping. She makes me feel good about myself, and about the future, in ways I had not realised I may have been missing so much. I don't really know how to explain how much the girlfriend thing has made my general outlook better without sounding really mushy and just sorta wibbling about her, so I'm gonna be brief and say that she makes me smile at random moments by thinking about her, and she's utterly wonderful and it's so thoroughly a different thing to any other crush I've experienced. There's a calmness to it that I wasn't expecting, and it feels very nice and very right. She keeps surprising and amazing me in all sorts of ways, and we keep finding new ways in which we sync up (or are syncing up) but there's also no pressure to change the generally small ways in which we do not? It's very nice.
As for crushes, there's been no real development, but I've pondered a bit more on their implications and developments. In particular, First Crush is still there but it's transmuted into a more stable platonic affection. This was most noticeable as it relates to a third person who we will call "ghost crush" because this person is so amazing and so "I'm into all of that" in general that it largely baffled me as to why I had not developed a crush on them. When discussing this one with a friend recently, she suggested it sounded more like, I want to be them, rather than wanting to be with them. Which is probably true. She's gorgeous and stylish and talented in basically all the ways I'd be thrilled to be. Anyway, I somehow managed to avoid having any actual crush feelings for Ghost Crush, it's something that First Crush has apparently not so much avoided, and there has been what to my eyes at least, is flirting back and forth between them. And I am so into that pairing. I ship it so hard. 6 months ago, when I thought of First Crush flirting with someone else, I got a kind of knot in my stomach, and I hated that feeling. It felt entirely unsuited to the person I considered myself to have been, let alone the person I was working towards being. Now, the other person involved is different, sure, and there's some potential weirdness about with "I totally ship the girl I had a crush on with the girl I apparently wish I was" to it, but the fact that I've gone from "knotted stomach" to "Hell yes you should definitely kiss her" seems like it's a fairly significant level up of awareness for me.

Emotions. As covered above, my overall outlook has improved, and my emotional stuff feels generally pretty good. I've had some moments (including a crying fit in the middle of the night) but as responses to situations that felt proportionate and reasonable, and I'm definitely better at bouncing back from them. HRT and transitioning in general has not suddenly fixed all my issues and baggage, but it sure seems to be helping me have a place to stand against them and to be a better more rounded person. Plus, as always, having a cute girl be super into you does wonders for a girls mood.

So, that's pretty much the state of play at 300 days, thanks for reading.

<3
~LRP

Todays Vaguely Transition-Themed Song: Tool - Forty Six and Two
(Change is coming. Now is my time.)